My Child is Struggling in Sport: Do They Need Mental Health Support or a Better Coach?
You’re worried about your young athlete.
You watch them finish training for the week; they walk to the car with their head down. You see tears in their eyes after another practice, feeling defeated, they don’t feel like they're progressing, and they’re questioning whether they want to continue their sport. You notice a shift, they’re unmotivated to train, they’re irritable, and not sleeping.
But you’re not sure what to do.
As a parent, it can be easy for your head to start spinning. Is this a phase? Just a tough training week? Is your athlete putting too much pressure on themselves? Is this a coaching problem? Or something deeper?
It’s normal to be confused and overwhelmed when it comes to how to support your young athlete. When research shows that mental health problems affect 14% of all children and adolescents in Australia, it makes sense that you might question if there’s something deeper happening here.
Hi, my name’s Emma, I’m an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker in Melbourne who supports young athletes to improve their mental health and performance. This blog will help you to understand the difference between environment-driven distress and mental health needs in your young athlete.
*TDLR: Too Long Didn’t Read = A quick summary if your brain needs a faster, more concise way to gather the information.
*If you’re worried about the immediate safety of your child, contact your local mental health triage. If you feel unable to keep your young person safe, call 000 or attend your local emergency department.
Why It's Hard to Tell the Difference
When the sport environment is the problem
When a child starts struggling in sport, the first thing to look at isn't always what's happening inside their head; it's what's happening around them.
The environment a young athlete trains and competes in has an enormous impact on their well-being, and a poor coach-athlete relationship is one of the most significant variables in that environment.
A problematic coaching dynamic doesn't always look dramatic from the outside. Sometimes that can look like feedback that’s highly critical without ever offering guidance, a training environment where the child has no voice or autonomy, and a culture where the only thing that matters is winning.
Research is clear on this point: when coaches define success solely in terms of winning rather than effort, skill development, and positive interpersonal connection, young athletes are significantly more likely to experience negative outcomes. One study involving 455 adolescent athletes found that winning percentage was unrelated to positive developmental experiences, whereas the quality of the coach-athlete relationship and the coach's leadership approach were related.
TLDR: How a coach leads matters far more than whether the team wins.
One of the most telling signs that the environment is the source of the problem is context. If your child was genuinely happy in sport last year, or in a previous team, or before a change in coaching, and the distress appeared or intensified alongside a specific shift, that pattern is important information. Struggling children who were previously thriving athletes are often responding to something external; it’s not always a mental health problem.
Now, you might have already reflected on this, but it's also worth reflecting honestly on the role parental pressure may be playing. Parents are the backbone of youth sport; without the investment of time, energy, and resources, most junior programs simply wouldn't function. But that investment can quietly cross a line.
When parents begin pushing early specialisation, placing emphasis on outcomes over enjoyment, or making decisions about their child's sport participation based on their own needs and ambitions rather than their child's, the sport environment at home becomes part of the problem, too. Researchers describe this as "achievement by proxy", where a parent's self-worth becomes tied to their child's athletic performance, and children are perceptive enough to feel it, even when it's never spoken aloud.
TLDR: Environment matters; consider whether parental pressure is playing a role in how your child is feeling.
When it might be a mental health concern
So you’ve ruled out environmental factors and parental pressure and expectations. Now, we need to determine whether your young athlete is experiencing mental health concerns.
Not all distress in sport is a product of the environment. Sometimes the difficulty a young athlete is experiencing could be reflecting something happening internally, and learning to tell the difference is important because the response needs to be different, too.
The key distinction is between situational distress and persistent mental health symptoms.
Situational distress-Directly tied to a specific context, like a child is upset after a difficult game, anxious before a high-stakes competition, or frustrated with a coach. It's uncomfortable, but it's proportionate, and it tends to resolve.
Persistent mental health symptoms-Show up across contexts, don't resolve with the situation, and tend to affect multiple areas of the child's life, not just in sport.
TLDR: Consider if it’s an appropriate reaction to a situation or if there’s struggling across multiple areas of their life.
Anxiety, depression, burnout, and perfectionism are among the most common mental health disturbances in adolescent athletes. These aren't rare cases; they are regularly occurring patterns in young people who are deeply invested in sport that can be frequently missed or misread.
Things you might notice as a parent that could signal more than a hard game can include: an intense fear of failure, a relentless demand for perfection from themselves, and a tendency to over-analyse during performance in a way that compounds errors rather than correcting them. You might notice their overall mood has shifted, their sleep is disrupted or significantly increased, there could be changes to their motivation, and even their interest in their sport or other enjoyable activities. These would all signal the need to seek mental health support.
These are distinct psychological patterns, not personality traits, not signs of weakness, and aren’t things that resolve with more training or tougher coaching. Young, driven athletes can be so focused on their pursuits that they may not recognise that they’re feeling off.
TLDR: A young athlete in this situation is unlikely to name what's happening themselves.
Red Flags to Watch For in Your Child
Behavioural changes
Behaviour changes before words do. In most young athletes who are struggling, what parents notice first is a shift in how their child is acting, often before the child themselves has the language or awareness to explain why.
Withdrawal is one of the most consistent early signals. A child who previously loved training and now finds endless reasons to avoid it, who used to race out the door and might now struggle to get out of bed, and drag their feet to practice, is communicating something through their behaviour even when they aren't saying it directly.
The same applies to social withdrawal; they might be pulling back from teammates, friends, or activities they previously enjoyed, which is a pattern worth taking seriously, particularly when it happens alongside sport-related distress.
Emotional dysregulation is another flag. You might notice increased irritability, disproportionate emotional reactions, or frequent mood swings, particularly in the period before or after sport, which could indicate that a child is carrying more psychological load than they can currently manage. This is different from ordinary moodiness; it's a consistent pattern that can show up in and outside of their sport.
Some young people experience physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, or vague illness on training days or competition mornings. This is not manipulation. It is a physiological response to psychological distress that is well-documented in anxious children and adolescents. When physical complaints cluster around sport consistently, they are worth investigating rather than dismissing.
More broadly, keep an eye on changes in areas of life beyond sport. Disrupted sleep, shifts in appetite, declining school performance, or reduced interest in things they used to care about.
TLDR: Look out for behaviour changes, sudden emotional dysregulation, and physical symptoms.
What they're saying (and not saying)
The language a young athlete uses about their sport, and what they conspicuously don't say, can be as revealing as any behaviour you notice.
There is a big difference between "I hate going to training" and "I hate going to training with that coach." The first might reflect general burnout, anxiety, or low motivation. The second points directly to a relational or environmental issue. Both deserve a response, but a different one. When a young athlete is specific about what or who is making sport difficult, that specificity is important and should not be glossed over in the interest of keeping them in the program.
Silence can be equally significant. A child who shuts down entirely when sport is raised, who gives one-word answers, changes the subject, or becomes visibly tense, is not simply uninterested in talking about it. Silence from your athlete in this setting could signal feelings of shame, fear of disappointment, or an expectation that their experience won't be taken seriously. Research with adolescent males found that many would not disclose mental health concerns to parents they perceived as unlikely to respond well, some anticipating they'd be told to "get over it."
This doesn’t mean that you should become relentless in questioning your athlete if you’re concerned about how they feel at training or about their mental health. It means that you can take time to gather your concerns, do some research like reading this post, and seek to understand how they’re feeling by asking questions in low-pressure spaces, like when you’re driving, or times where you already are having a comfortable conversation. The way you respond to other disclosures about their life will influence how they respond in this setting.
TLDR: Responding to smaller disclosures without judgment will help if something more serious develops.
Excessive self-criticism after mistakes is another signal that deserves careful attention. All young athletes experience disappointment when they perform below their expectations; that's normal and healthy. What looks different is a child who can’t let a mistake go, who speaks about themselves with genuine contempt after a poor performance, or whose mood following a bad game extends well beyond the day.
It's worth remembering that young athletes, particularly adolescent males, have often absorbed a cultural message that seeking help is incompatible with being a serious athlete. Stigma around mental health remains a real barrier in sport settings, and many young people won’t reach out on their own. This is why parents who are paying attention, and who respond to what they're seeing without alarm or dismissiveness are one of the most important protective factors in a young athlete's mental health.
The Role of Coaches and Parents in Mental Health
Coaches and parents are identified by adolescent athletes as their key support people. Parents and coaches can support their athletes by speaking openly and non-judgmentally about mental health, promoting resources, and being willing to express concern when their young athlete seems off.
Coaches: The coach-athlete relationship is integral to positive youth development. Fostering positive environments for young athletes to build skills for sport, measuring success through effort and growth demonstrates greater benefits than remaining solely outcome or winning-focused.
*If you’re a coach looking for more ways to support your athlete, I explain here how to determine if your athlete is struggling with performance or their mental health and what to do about it.
Parents: Consider, are you supporting your child's autonomy and enjoyment, or are you projecting your own goals?
When to Seek Professional Support
When symptoms have persisted for more than 2 weeks across multiple settings.
When the child's distress is impacting school, friendships, sleep, or physical health.
How Sport Social Workers and Sport Psychologists can help:
Sport psychologists and sport social workers are both trained to work within the specific context of athletic life; they understand the pressures, the identity, and the culture in ways that general practitioners often don't.
A sport psychologist typically focuses on performance-related mental skills: managing anxiety, building focus, and developing resilience under pressure. Some hold credentials in clinical or general psychology on top of their sport psychology credential and can support athletes struggling with their mental health, performance, and life beyond sport.
A social worker specialising in athlete mental health may take a broader lens, addressing the emotional, relational, and environmental factors affecting your child's wellbeing, including family dynamics, coach relationships, and life beyond sport.
In practice, the two roles often overlap, and many athletes benefit from both. If you're unsure whether your child actually needs support, that uncertainty is reason enough to reach out, not reason to wait. An initial assessment isn't a diagnosis or a commitment to ongoing treatment; it's simply a conversation that gives you and your child a clearer picture of what's happening and what, if anything, would help. Early support is almost always more effective than support sought in crisis.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Can a bad coach cause lasting mental health damage?
Yes, a consistently negative sport environment, especially with early specialisation pressure and poor relationships, can contribute to burnout, anxiety, and disengagement from physical activity long-term.
Q: I’m worried about how my child’s coach speaks to them. How do I bring this up with the coach without making it worse?
Recommend coming with specific observations, not accusations. Focus on the child's well-being, not the coach's methods. Seek a private conversation, not a heated confrontation.
Q: Can a coach support my child's mental health?
Yes, research shows that athletes who feel their coach is trustworthy and supportive are far more likely to speak up when they're struggling, which can make an enormous difference early on. That being said, coaches have limits, and the most effective approach is one where parents, coaches, and trained professionals each play their part.
Q: My child used to love their sport. Now they don't. Is this just a teenager thing?
Developmental disengagement is real, but sudden withdrawal combined with mood changes, sleep issues, or social withdrawal warrant closer attention.
Q: Will therapy affect their training schedule?
In most cases, no. Sessions are typically scheduled around training commitments, and the cost of leaving mental health concerns unaddressed almost always has a greater impact on training than the support itself.
Last Thoughts
If you’ve made it this far…Remember, noticing something is wrong IS good parenting. The question is what it means. Sometimes it’s the environment or external pressure that is influencing how your young athlete is feeling. Sometimes they’re struggling with their mental health, or sometimes it’s both. Either way, now you know the first steps you can take to address each one.
You don’t need to have it all figured out, and you don’t need to perfectly support your child. You need to remember that you’re human, and just by seeking out this information means you care and want what’s best for your young athlete.
If you're unsure whether your athlete needs support, you can book a free consultation at RYSE to discuss your concerns and determine next steps.
References:
Vella, S.A., Oades, L.G., & Crowe, T.P. (2013). The relationship between coach leadership, the coach–athlete relationship, team success, and the positive developmental experiences of adolescent soccer players. Physical Education and Sport Pedagogy, 18(5), 549–561.
Cumming, S.P., Smoll, F.L., Smith, R.E., & Grossbard, J.R. (2007). Is winning everything? The relative contributions of motivational climate and won-lost percentage in youth sports. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 19, 322–336.
Martens, R. (2004). Successful coaching. Champaign, IL: Human Kinetics. Smoll, F.L., & Smith, R.E. (2005). Sports and your child: Developing champions in sports and life. Palo Alto, CA: Warde.
Wiersma, L.D. (2000). Risks and benefits of youth sport specialization: Perspectives and recommendations. Pediatric Exercise Science, 12, 13–22.
Smoll, F.L. (1998). Improving the quality of coach-parent relationships in youth sports. In J.M. Williams (Ed.), Applied sport psychology: Personal growth to peak performance (3rd ed., pp. 63–73). Mountain View, CA: Mayfield.
Coakley, J. (cited as ref 11 in Wiersma) and Thornton, J.S. (1991). Springing young athletes from the parental pressure cooker. The Physician and Sportsmedicine, 19(7), 92–99.
Putukian, M. (2016). The psychological response to injury in student athletes: a narrative review with a focus on mental health. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 50(3), 145–148. — notes that performance anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and substance use concerns may be more common in athletes than non-athletic peers.
Swann, C., Telenta, J., Draper, G., Liddle, S., Fogarty, A., Hurley, D., & Vella, S. (2018). Youth sport as a context for supporting mental health: Adolescent male perspectives. Psychology of Sport & Exercise, 35, 55–64. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2017.11.008
Putukian, M. (2016). British Journal of Sports Medicine, 50(3), 145–148. — states that athletes are less likely to seek treatment, may see seeking counselling as a sign of weakness, and are accustomed to working through pain.
Purcell, R., et al. (2019). Mental health in elite athletes: MH in Elite Athletes.pdf — reports more negative attitudes towards help-seeking amongst athletes than the general population, as well as greater stigma and poorer mental health literacy as key barriers.