"Help! My Teen is Hurting Themselves”: A Parent's Role in Teen Therapy for Self-Injury:
*Trigger warning: This post contains discussion and information about self-injury. Please be mindful before reading the content about whether this is a topic you’re comfortable reading about. If you need support, please reach out to Lifeline (13 11 14), contact your local Mental Health Triage Line, or attend the Emergency Department if you cannot keep yourself safe.
The Initial Shock & Uncertainty
As a parent, finding out your teen has been harming themselves is nothing short of fear-inducing. It’s common for parents to describe the experience as feeling “like a deer in the headlights”, reacting with their intense feelings of shock and fear.
You might find yourself overwhelmed with questions, wanting to know what’s driven your teen to harm themselves and feel helpless in how to support them.
You’re not alone.
Hi, I’m Emma, an accredited social worker who supports young people struggling with self-injury. I support young people and their families to navigate these challenges in a practical and non-judgemental way. Here, I’ll discuss what self-injury can be, how therapy can help, and what you can do to support as a parent.
What is self-injury?
Self-injury includes causing intentional physical pain, such as cutting, burning or other behaviours, to manage inner distress. Often used as a way to cope with distress, your young person might be faced with intense emotions and don’t know any alternative ways to cope with the distress.
It’s not easy for a young person to reach out for help when they’re struggling with feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment associated with self-harm. They might worry about being misunderstood, judged, or punished for how they cope.
It’s important to know that self-injury or thoughts of it don’t always mean that a young person is suicidal.
How does therapy help treat self-harm?
Supporting your teenager with therapy provides them with a non-judgmental space to explore the challenges they’re experiencing.
1. Understanding the Root Cause
Therapy helps uncover the emotions, triggers, and underlying issues driving self-harming behaviours, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or emotional dysregulation.
2. Developing Healthier Coping Strategies
Learn alternative ways to manage overwhelming emotions, like mindfulness, grounding techniques, and distress tolerance skills.
3. Emotional Regulation & Self-Compassion
Therapy provides tools to help process difficult emotions more healthily.
Build self-compassion to replace self-criticism with self-acceptance.
4. Breaking the Cycle of Self-Harm
Identify and address thought patterns that lead to self-harming urges.
Learn strategies to delay or reduce the urge to self-harm over time.
5. Strengthening Family and Support Systems
Therapy can help to establish a plan to address big feelings and dysregulation occurring at home. Having a plan can allow both the parent and the young person to feel more comfortable in handling episodes of self-harm at home.
Reduce feelings of isolation by connecting with a therapist who understands.
6. Building Confidence & Self-Worth
Address negative self-image and build a stronger sense of self-worth.
Learn to set healthy boundaries.
7. Addressing Co-Occurring Mental Health Challenges
Many people who self-harm also experience anxiety, depression, ADHD, or trauma.
Therapy supports healing in multiple areas of mental health.
8. Creating a Personalized Safety Plan
Work with a therapist to develop a plan for managing urges and staying safe.
Identify trusted people and resources to reach out to in difficult moments.
10. Long-Term Healing & Growth
Therapy isn’t just about stopping self-harm; it’s about building a life where they no longer feel the need to use it as a coping mechanism.
Gain long-term emotional resilience and tools for future challenges.
How Parents Can Actively Support Teens in Therapy
Participating in Family Therapy Sessions (When Invited)
Teens who self-harm often struggle to express their emotions in healthy ways.
Therapy helps parents learn how to create open, judgment-free conversations with their young person.
Creating a Safe & Supportive Home Environment
A teen’s surroundings play a key role in their recovery.
Learning effective strategies as a parent can help to reduce triggers, provide emotional validation, and respond supportively during difficult moments.
Learning How to Respond to Self-Harm
Therapy can support parents to respond to self-harm in an effective, non-reactive way to support your young person without reinforcing shame or secrecy.
Strengthening the Parent-Child Relationship
A supportive, connected relationship between a young person and a parent is one of the strongest protective factors for mental health.
Involving the whole family in therapy can help to rebuild trust, connection, and emotional closeness.
By actively participating in therapy, you as the parent become an essential part of your young person’s healing journey, ensuring they feel supported both in and outside of sessions.
Practical Tips for Parents of Teens in Therapy
Focus on Listening and Supporting, Not "Fixing"
Self-harm isn’t usually something that parents can “fix” on their own, and there’s usually a reason it’s occurring.
Offering an empathetic ear and unconditional support can go a long way in ensuring your young person feels heard and understood.
It’s important to resist the urge to tell your young person what to do in this situation or give unsolicited advice; this isn’t a situation that you as the parent, have much control over.
Be Patient and Understanding: Change Takes Time
Recovery is a process and cannot occur right away; it takes time to uncover what’s happening for your young person and establish positive and less harmful strategies to cope with distress.
There are probably going to be setbacks, and that’s okay because that’s what the process of change and healing looks like.
It’s important to celebrate small wins, no harm for one week? Amazing! And then a month, with one relapse? Great news, because we’re still heading in the right direction. Celebrate one step and one small victory at a time, for both your young person and yourself!
Encourage Independence While Providing Guidance
Encourage independence, but be there for guidance and unconditional support.
You can balance offering support while still establishing safe boundaries.
Keep communication open and opt for collaboration rather than positioning yourself as an authoritarian.
Conclusion: A Collaborative Approach
A collaborative approach with your young person, you, and a therapist is imperative to supporting self-harm.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Reach out for professional support if your young person is struggling with self-harm, and ensure they’re getting the right care for their needs.
If your young person is at risk of harming themselves and you have concerns about maintaining their safety and well-being, be sure to reach out to emergency services, your local mental health triage, or crisis intervention services. See Australian Resources for help.
If your teen is struggling with self-harm, therapy can provide the support, tools, and guidance they need. At RYSE, we support young people struggling with self-injury to learn safer ways to cope and build strategies that work for their needs without judgment. Book a free consultation to learn how we can work together to support your teen’s well-being.